One of the steps during the 12-step recovery plan is to make amends with those who were hurt by our actions during our addiction. Rebuilding relationships is an important part of the recovery process for both teens and adults, as it allows us to repair any damage done and build healthier connections with others. But how do you get started rebuilding relationships? What if the other person is not ready to forgive you? This guide will provide some tips and advice for teens and adults on how to navigate this delicate process.
Take Responsibility for Your Actions
When making amends, it’s important to take full responsibility for your actions and acknowledge the harm that was caused. The goal of making amends isn’t to simply say “I’m sorry.” In fact, a disingenuous apology can do more harm than good. Instead, taking responsibility has several benefits including:
- Beginning the healing process for both parties involved
- Showing genuine remorse and understanding of the harm caused
- Taking ownership of our mistakes and showing a willingness to make it right
- Remember The Expense of Others
While taking responsibility and making amends is an excellent way to begin the repair process, it’s important to know that AA recommends not making amends if it means it will injure the other person. This means that if your past actions have caused severe harm or trauma to someone else, it’s important to respect their boundaries and not force them to forgive you. Making amends should never be a selfish act, but rather one that is done with sincere intentions and respect for the other person.
Use Active Listening Skills
Communication is key when it comes to rebuilding relationships. It’s important to have an open and honest conversation with the person you hurt, but also be respectful of their feelings. Allow them to express their thoughts and emotions without interruption or defensiveness. This may be difficult, but it’s important to listen and validate their feelings.
This is a skill known as active listening. During active listening, there are several techniques you can use to show that you are paying attention and understand the person’s perspective, such as:
- Paraphrasing what they said to ensure understanding
- Using nonverbal cues like eye contact and nodding
- Expressing empathy and understanding
- Provide feedback (if asked)
- Avoid judgements
Active listening is a skill that can be learned and can be extremely helpful in rebuilding relationships. If you find it difficult to listen to people without interrupting, take concerns seriously, or understand other perspectives, consider seeking help from a therapist or counselor who can teach you effective communication techniques. Most addiction treatment programs can offer dialectical behavioral therapy, or DBT, to help you learn skills to communicate more effectively and regulate your emotions.
Accept Feedback From Others
Rebuilding relationships might be difficult to do if you have been adamant that you do not have a substance use disorder. Not taking accountability and denying your actions can cause further damage to relationships. Being open to feedback from others, even if it is difficult to hear, shows that you are willing to take responsibility for your actions and work on improving yourself.
It’s important to understand that the person giving feedback might be coming from a place of hurt or concern, so try not to get defensive. Take some time to process the information before responding and remember that constructive criticism can help you grow as a person.
Some of your loved ones might not be open to speaking with you until they see consistent change in your behavior. Others might never be ready to fully forgive and rebuild the relationship. It’s important to respect their boundaries and decisions, even if it is difficult. Accepting feedback lets you know where you stand and allows you to understand how to navigate your recovery process.
Rebuilding Relationships – Consider Your Needs Always
Rebuilding relationships with others might seem like a priority for people in recovery. While having a good support system at your disposal is vital, it’s also important to consider your needs during recovery.
Instead of focusing solely on repairing relationships, focus on rebuilding your relationship with yourself. This means prioritizing self-care, setting boundaries, and practicing healthy coping mechanisms.
Unfortunately, shame and guilt often go hand in hand with substance abuse and recovery. It’s important to recognize that you are not defined by your past mistakes and that you have the power to create a better future for yourself. Even if your family or friends may not be ready to fully forgive or support you, it’s important to focus on your own healing and growth.
Come Back Better – Rebuild Today
The Berman Center is amazed at the resilience of our clients day in and day out. We’re proud to be a part of the addiction and mental health recovery process. We are the premier providers of mental health and addiction treatment in Atlanta. Our team stops at nothing to pair you with the right intensive outpatient program or partial hospitalization program. Teens, adults, those living with anxiety, depression, mood disorders, substance use disorder, and so much more have our team at their disposal. Call us today and take the first step towards rebuilding your life and relationships today.
